Tuesday, July 3, 2018

One year later.....

I can't believe it has been a year today since my mom went to be with the Lord.  So many changes in my life since that day and so many things she wouldn't be happy about. 

In the days and months before getting to the place she couldn't speak, we would talk about how it would be when she was gone.  I tried to assure her that what she thought and expected would happen would actually happen but I knew in my heart that life would be different.....at least for me.

Death and finances seem to always change people.....change family.  Maybe someday when one of us is sick or on death's door we will talk again but until then, I will continue to love from afar and not push.  At this point, that's all that's accepted.

I have also gotten to know my other family and am trying to stay in touch with them too.  Unfortunately, my half brother, Harvey, just went home to be with the Lord and that is how we all got reconnected.  It was such a blessing for me to go to the Celebration of Life for him and hear stories of his life from his friends he had from grade school.  I understand now a little more of why I am the way I am at times.....it's heredity. 

I have one more brother, several nieces and a nephew left along with all of their families and hopefully we can stay in touch as much as possible.  I love seeing pictures of my dad and seeing myself.  I only have my pictures of my mom and grandpa and grandma but don't have access to the keepsakes that I would like to pass down to my children.  It's sad but they are just things and I do my memories for now.  HA!

I wrote this to remind people that life is too short to hold grudges, real or perceived.  Don't waste the precious time you have on petty things. 

"Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, 
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again"

Remembering my mom,


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

My mom

My mom is finally in peace.

It has been one week since my mom went to be with the Lord.  I was thinking the other day about how my biological mom, dad, grandma and grandpa are all gone now.  I am finally able to talk about her story as I remember hearing it over the years.  I'm sure I will forget a lot of it but I wanted to share a little of her story to honor what she had lived through and the woman she was.

Lynda D. Lane was born in North Hollywood, CA and lived in Southern California.  At the age of 16 she and my grandparents, Harry and Dorothy Sweet moved to Round Mountain, Ca.  This is where my mom told me, on many occasions, that her life changed forever.  You see we talked a lot about the choices that she made when she was mad at her parents.  She was mad because they moved her from Reseda High School in her Senior year to Central Valley High School where she knew no one.  She started dating someone and was soon pregnant and married at the young age of 17, giving birth to my brother, Danny before turning 18.  Unfortunately, the guy she married treated her badly by beating her almost daily.  She told me that one day in her little apartment the beating became pretty violent and at one point, her husband had picked her up and threw her through the door jam, knocking her out.  She told me that when she woke up she thought she was paralyzed and as she lay on the floor looking up, she cried out to God and asked him to keep her and her baby safe and to allow her to get out of the house and away from this man.  She crawled over to the bed where he was looking at Danny and then she heard him say "I hope you don't make me take it out on Danny the next time".  She knew then that she needed to take Danny, get out of there and never come back.  She did just that.  Soon she was divorced and had a one year old baby boy.  She started working as a waitress in the little cafe in Round Mountain and soon found herself 'in love' with a local.  The problem was he wasn't really available because he was married.  That man was my father and when I was 3 months old my mom finally married my adoptive dad, Gary Lane.

They just celebrated their 52nd anniversary in April.  My mom would have been 75 years old on August 13th and needless to say she lived a pretty crazy life.  When I was 4 years old she became a Christian and started taking all of us to church.  Life was pretty hard when I was little but God was always with us in everything our family went through.

Many of us would have chosen a different life but I know that God used these things to make my mom the woman she was.  She was faithful, loyal to her family and loved well.

Like I said in my last blog, she worked for Shasta Regional for 27 years up to about 2 years ago when she was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis.  God gave her 2 years more with her family after that until last Monday night, July 3rd.  On Sunday she was able to see her great grand son and great grand daughter which she was able to acknowledge and say hi to even though she was not doing well at all.  She kept telling me that she loved me and we talked about her seeing her two son's in heaven soon.

On Monday night at 8:10pm my mom went home to be with the Lord.  My sister, Lorie and I along with our dad were with her.  She is no longer in pain.

Love you and miss you mom.....


Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Cycle of LIFE

The beginning of life.  It's a normal process of our lives to be carried around for 9 months and then be born screaming our heads off.  And in the last 3 1/2 months there were two very important people born into this world. Introducing my two grandchildren!  Yes, you heard me right and yes, I am that old, and I'm ok with that.  Olivia (on the left) was born 5/20 and Harrison was born on 3/2.  I am enjoying this time in my life....as a grandma.  It's very rewarding and somehow comforting to know that I just might have one more chance in life to do things different....better!

At the same time I find myself also at a crossroads with my mom, Lynda Lane.  She is 74 years young and suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis.  Up until 2 years ago she was still working at Shasta Regional as there House Orderly (basically the person who ran everywhere, pushed everyone around and did pretty much anything she was told to do).  She worked every Frid/Sat/Sun on 12 hour shifts for about 27 years.  Now she is nearing the end of her life.  She will be gone soon and I continue to pray that she is able to just go to sleep and wake up in the glory of Heaven, at the feet of Jesus!  No more pain.  No more tears.  She will be joining my two brothers Danny and Gary Jr. along with my grandpa and grandma and so many more in my family.

I too will be ready to meet Jesus someday but until then I will continue to love my husband, my children, my grandchildren and anyone God puts in my path.

Lovingly and with many memories and many memories to make.

Nena....Princess Warrior

Wednesday, November 26, 2014


It's the end of another year and so many thoughts continually fill my mind.  My son, Daniel just went into the Army and is now in BASIC training in South Carolina.  I dream of him often and pray for him every moment of the day.  I dream of the next time I get to see him (Lord willing for Christmas for 2 weeks).  I dream of him becoming the man of God that I know he will become.

I dream of family members not here anymore to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, family that were never here and family that will be in the future.  What will it be like?  Will it be like years past? What are my real family's Thanksgiving and Christmas like?  Do they think about me and what I am doing?  I am thankful for loved ones who have gone on to Heaven and will be spending yet another glorious season with God our Father.  Thankful that they are no longer suffering.

I dream of the day there is no more suffering and no more heartache for anyone.

There are things that I mourn deep in my soul that others will never know about....except Jesus.  Many dreams that did not come true and many that did.  Heartache either way.  I believe that God allows some of our dreams to not come true because they wouldn't be the best for us and some dreams to come to pass that we never knew we had.

Our home group was watching a video on Right now.org about Peter and the old singer, Michael Card was hosting the sessions.  At the end of the session he sang an old song called, "Mourning the Death of a Dream".   It caught me off guard.....tears filled my eyes as I thought of some things in my life that I mourned.  Although this song was written about Peter my soul often echos these words.

Cool morning shadows sadly shift across the floor
Each time we say goodbye it's harder than before
Even after all the pain of parting still we find
That we must mourn the death of the dreams we leave behind
As I turn my back on all that means the most to me
The sounds and smells, the light that dances on the sea
The greatest gamble is to act on the belief
That only the slave who leaves it all is truly free

The sacrifice that we both lay before His feet
A thousand moments that belonged to us
That now will never be

By faith we hold a better dream inside our hearts
A time when our family will never have to be apart
Till then we struggle with just what it really means
And we will mourn the death of our beautiful dreams
Mourn the death of our beautiful dreams > 


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Camping....sort of

This is a followup on my 'Backpacks and Butterflies' story and it's gonna be short.  I started my journey at 5:45am from Redding so that I could get to my friends house by 7:00am (thinking there was going to be road construction on Hwy 299).  The drive was beautiful with the sun peeking through the trees periodically as I made my way to Weaverville.  Of course I had the top down on my little car and my music playing....loudly!

Once I arrived we got our stuff together and headed for Stuarts Fork trail.  The weather was great and my backpack was a LOT lighter this year.  This made me happy!  After about an hour and a half we got to OUR spot (this was really good since last year it took me 4 hours to get there).  I know.....that's horrible but remember, I had never backpacked.....in my life.....never AND my backpack was way too heavy.....and have you been on that trail?  It's up and down!

Ok.....are you done laughing now?  Back to the story.....the Trinity river was way down from last year and when we got there the butterflies weren't in abundance but we were there.  I was a happy girl.

We had a 'friend' the entire time (see pic).  It must have been used to people because it didn't care if we were in the water or sitting on the beach or sunning on the large rocks near the river.....nothing bothered him.
We had brought a little cook stove, bacon and hamburger meat and was wanting to eat so I set the stove up (having learned how to set it up that morning from her husband) and we started cooking the meat.  Everything was going ok until we realized that we had no utensils, plates, napkins, salt.....you name it, we DID NOT have it.  I said "heck.... if the pioneers could figure this out, we can too"!  So we proceeded to put the bacon in the dish too and found a stick that would help us turn it in the pan (see pic).  Needless to say, it wasn't half bad and we survived.

The trip was only about 12 hours long because we had to hike back out at the end of the day because of some unforeseen reasons but the time we were there, we had fun.  Next year I would like to go somewhere different in Trinity County but still by a river with a swimming hole and a beach.  If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment.  Stay tuned....Nena



Friday, July 25, 2014

Butterflies and Backpacks

It's been a year since my first backpacking trip and today I am getting ready to do it again.  Last year was an experience just packing and then actually walking the Stuarts Fork trail.  My friend and I found the best place to stay the whole weekend.  When we finally got to the spot which I will affectionately call "the butterfly spot", it was like seeing heaven.  I was so exhausted that I actually didn't see it but when my friend said "this looks like a great spot"....I was so excited that we had 'arrived' somewhere that I agreed wholeheartedly without even looking at it.  Once I looked up, I could see the beautiful Trinity river curving around a couple of large boulders.  When we left the trail to head down I noticed that it had a great couple of camp sites and then I saw it.......what would be my favorite spot......a flat area next to the swimming hole in the bend of the river where I could sit on the shore and read.  And to top it all off, there were butterflies everywhere....and they seemed to love me. I couldn't go anywhere in our camping area without butterflies landing on me and my stuff.  It was perfect!

My experience last year reminds me that sometimes we just have to look up and take our eyes off of the 'circumstance' that we find ourselves in and just be thankful for where we are!  Yes the backpack I had on was too heavy (almost 30 lbs) and yes my feet and legs were killing me but when I got to the river, took my backpack off and slipped into my flip flops.....I felt like I could fly!  Seriously....it was like that game we would play when we were kids where you have someone push down on your arms while you keep them steady and when they let go, your arms feel like they are floating.  That's how I felt when I took my backpack off after carrying such a heavy load for so long.  It was a feeling that I never wanted to forget.

That's how it feels when you finally lay your burdens down before the Lord.  He just wants to lighten your load because He knows that if we just look up.....to Jesus....our burdens will be lifted and we will see that He has the best for us.  I know....sometimes it feels good to stay in your misery for awhile...to wallow around in the hurt and craziness that we call our life but someday, somewhere we will look up and see what He has for us.....and it's beautiful!

I sometimes wonder what I missed last year when I walked along that trail?  I honestly don't remember if I ever looked up except when I was resting.  Maybe this weekend I can enjoy the whole thing!

Looking forward to the butterflies and my backpack (only 17 lbs) this year.

Princess Warrior,

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


As I look back at my life I realize that I changed so many times.  I changed for my parents, my boyfriend, my boss, my friends and even sometimes for myself.  Only in the last couple of years did I make a change for my God!  Actually it was because He first loved me and gave himself freely for me that this change is genuine.  Oh I had 'changed' many times before to please those around me or because I thought I needed to be something God wanted me to be.  He only wants me to be who He says I am....I am accepted, forgiven, loved.  There is nothing I have to do to receive that and it's certainly nothing deserved.  Thank God for that!

I Samuel 7:12 says:  "Hitherto hath the Lord helped us"....Hebrews 10:13 says:  "Henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool."  The first refers to the past; the second refers to the future.  There is no doubt that I have failed God this past year....and years past....but my God has NEVER failed me!  "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

Every morning I have the chance to make a 'change'....a 'choice' if you will, to recall God's promises and faithfulness to me and to look forward to the days events and actions that I will participate in.  Change can happen if it is genuine.  Change can happen when you are being real with those around you.  Don't change because you are trying to please someone or stay out of trouble or get someone to stay or get that deal at work.  Change because He first loved you and He gave His Son to die on a cross for your failures.  Don't try to change others around you to make your life better or easier.  Change only yourself by following the word of God.  Don't let the circumstances in your life or the emotions that sometimes overwhelm us control how we live our lives.  Change that thinking pattern and stop listening to the lies of Satan.

May 2014 be the year you have been waiting for your whole life!  May you find Jesus like you have never known him before and may you follow Him faithfully every day.

Be blessed,

Princess Warrior,  Nena